November 7

BUY GIVE ME SOME CREDIT AT LULU.COM!!!

I’m freaked out.

Good news first. The check to JD Services has cleared, and I confirmed by phone with them today that we are in the clear. It will be a mark on my credit report that I settled with them, but I’m not too concerned with that right now. The fact that there is no judgment being filed, and I don’t owe them $16,000, is quite a relief. I’m still very grateful for this; don’t get me wrong.

However, things are intensifying on the Dana Building front. I met by phone with a commercial property lawyer today, who basically told me that I’m on the hook for the remaining time on the lease. I had hoped there was some kind of loophole, but there’s not. So, here we are. I’m responsible for all of it. He thinks I shouldn’t pay them what I owe, however. He thinks I should save my money for a bankruptcy attorney. My God. How did I end up in this situation?

I left a message for Susan, the tenant liaison today, and was surprised to find myself choking up like I did on the phone with JD Services last week. This stuff has just gotten so stressful. I feel like I’m cracking up a little bit. If the Dana Ladies sue me, I may be on the hook for the $35,000 left on the lease, plus their attorney’s fees (probably around $5,000, give or take). So, this would be $40,000 that I don’t have, and when you add it to my $63,000 of school loans, and my remaining $16,500 in consumer debt, the figure is $119,500, which to me just feels crippling.

On the other hand, I met with a client today who has $300,000 in consumer debt from floating his various ventures and schemes, and he’s still actively debting. So, I realize my situation could be a lot worse. I haven’t debted in 13 ½ months. I’m solid in my recovery, and my debt load has gone down $25,000 since I stopped debting. I have to remember these things, and keep my situation in perspective.

I’m scared of Susan, though. She really intimidates me. I’m scared she and her colleagues are going to sue. If I end up owing them $40,000, I won’t be able to avoid bankruptcy. I’ll have to raise the white flag. It’s hard to believe this is even a possibility, after all I’ve been through. After all this fighting, and all this believing, I really will be surprised if I end up declaring bankruptcy. It’s a scary thought.