November 2

PLEASE NOTE:

This entry is part of a book, GIVE ME SOME CREDIT, you can purchase at givemesomecredit.org and on Lulu.com.

All the situations below were resolved fully, but this is how I was feeling at the time...

Miracles do happen.

The American Express saga seems to have come to an end.

Let me take it from the top. Last night, I had a “dark night of the soul.” I couldn’t sleep, I was so worried about American Express, and so upset that I hadn’t heard from them. When I woke up this morning, I realized I couldn’t keep going without knowing what was going to happen with them; it’s just been stressing me out way too much. I prayed on it this morning, and received guidance to go straight to the top. So this morning, I called in to JD Services.

I knew that settling for 70% of what I owed, as JD wanted me to, was going to wipe me out. Still, if that was the best they could do, I was going to go for it, and let the chips fall where they may with the Dana Ladies. I didn’t want my pay docked, and I didn’t want a judgment going on my record. So, if it came down to it, I would settle for 70 percent. However, something told me that, before I did, I needed to circumvent all the lackeys I’d been dealing with, and talk directly with the manager.

Right before I called, I shut the door to my office, and spent some time in prayer. It was then I realized that, up to that point, I had been out of my integrity. I hadn’t been 100% honest with American Express or JD Services about the inheritance. Sure, I’d told them my sob story, but I hadn’t been honest about the fact that I did have some additional money I could give them. I had bent the truth (as debtors often do) by concocting a half-true story about how I had some family money available (the inheritance, which was true) to settle the debt, but that $8,000 was all I had (which was not quite true).

I hadn’t lied outright (as one of the reps had encouraged me to do) by making up some medical condition other than my wife’s pregnancy complications. No kidding, one of the JD reps once said, “You should say you’re a paranoid schizophrenic. They always go for that.” There was no way I was going to perjure myself like that. But, even though I didn’t tell direct lies during my conversations with them, I did lie by omission, by saying $8,000 was the only money I had, rather than saying $8,000 was all I had available.

Somehow, I sensed the situation wouldn’t turn around, as long as I was bending the truth like this. I decided I needed to tell the manager, Brad Delaney, that I could do 50 percent. I decided to also tell him I could possibly do more, but that 50 percent was really going to be best because of all my other debts, and the other potential lawsuit on the horizon. I decided I would tell him the whole story, and would turn the rest over. If he wanted me to settle for 50%, I would do that. If he wanted me to settle for 70%, I would do that. If he wanted me to settle for 62.5%, I would do that. Whatever Brad wanted, I was prepared to do, and I was going to be 100% honest during the process.

This is the ultimate achievement for any debtor: honesty, without self-deprecation. We’re not good at finding that balance. We’re good at lying and telling partial truths, good at shucking and jiving, good at getting what we want through manipulation. On the other extreme, we’re also good at giving everything away and martyring ourselves because, deep down, we’re paupers who feel we don’t deserve anything good. The middle path between these extremes is elusive for us.

Being a debtor is all about such extremes. The addiction is thick with paradox. For example, we pretend that we can afford things we really can’t, but also pretend we can’t afford things we really can. Remember, the secret goal for the debtor is to appear prosperous, without ever actually doing the work necessary to achieve prosperity. Another paradox is that, on the surface, we’re selfish, yet we never really learn how to take care of ourselves. There’s no balance.

It’s a desperate, frustrating way to live, and this morning, I had reached a new level of dissatisfaction with it. So, I told Mr. Delaney my story. I related how I’d been passed around at American Express, and how I’d then had to tell my story three different times to three different people at his company. I told him how I’d had a settlement in place with American Express, but they had reneged. I told him everything I’d been through.

Most of all, I told him what a hard two years it has been. I told him that, when my wife was pregnant with our son, she was diagnosed with a Stage Two melanoma, and we had some serious conversations about what we were going to do if the cancer spread. Would she carry the baby to term? Was I ready to be a single parent, if the cancer had spread and metastasized? All along, I knew the answers to these questions were “Yes.” I was completely committed to my son from the time he was conceived. And yet, these are horrible questions to have to ask yourself when you’re expecting a child. Wondering if your wife is even going to be alive for your son’s first birthday, as you can imagine, is well beyond stressful.

The cancer hadn’t spread, as it turned out, and my wife wasn’t facing death, after all. The cancer left us with a lot of stress, but no death. It also left her with a six-inch scar on her left bicep. I explained how we decided to move to Portland, to be near family, if anything went wrong in the future. All of this was true, although I had never shared it with a creditor before.

I explained how, to leave Boulder, I’d had to abandon my practice, which was deep in debt and barely profitable. I explained how we came out here, debting to pay for gas and moving costs, and I suddenly had over $50,000 in debt and no business to show for it. To make matters worse, my wife had developed a placenta previa, and how, rather than worrying that she had cancer, we had then worried that she was going to face extensive bed rest. A cross country move in the middle of a pregnancy is bad enough, without the added pressure of possible complications. It all proved to be a bit too much. Upon our arrival in Portland, my wife sank into a deep and lengthy depression, which lasted until our son’s birth.

The long and short of all this, for the purposes of my conversation with Mr. Delaney, was that I hadn’t run a profitable business; that I was stuck with this debt, which was unmanageable at my income level; and that, for health reasons, my wife had been unable to work for two years. I told him we’d pulled out of the nosedive, and I wasn’t debting any more, but we were on a fixed income, and the only reason I could offer $8,000 and change was because I recently had inherited some money. I told him I could possibly go a bit higher than 50 percent, but that 70 percent was going to be really tough for me, given my other debts. And then I did something I rarely do: I cried.

I let myself actually feel the emotion, the regret, and the desperation that I’d been holding on to for so long. I actually let this stranger on the other end of the line, the collection agency manager, the debtor’s worst enemy, hear my sincerity. And there was nothing canned, manipulative, or fake about it. I wasn’t trying to force any particular outcome. I just got real with him. The message I’d received was that I needed to get real, and get honest, and that’s what I did. And when I was done, Mr. Delaney spoke to me in a voice as kind as any I’ve ever heard in my life, and said, “I’m going to see what I can do for you.”

I knew right then that this was a good man. He told me that the rep from American Express who was his liaison on these matters happened to be in his office today. Apparently, she’s only in once a month, so this was a miracle in and of itself. (Think about it: I had a 1-in-30 chance of calling him on the day she “happened” to be in the office, and there she was. If that’s not a miracle, I don’t know what is). He told me he would share our conversation with her, and try to get a 50 percent settlement approved, in light of my situation. He said he’d get back to me later in the day.

I went about my morning meeting and sessions, doing my best to concentrate. At around 11:45, after doing my best imitation of myself all morning, I picked up a voicemail saying, “Mr. White, this is Brad Delaney at JD Services. I have some very good news for you. Please call me back as soon as you can.”

As you can imagine, I was happy to hear that. But it got even better when I reached him on the phone. He told me she had agreed to settle for 50 percent! Apparently, this virtually never happens. But somehow, it happened for me.

Needless to say, I feel relieved, I feel blessed, and I know I’ve dodged a bullet. I’m actually pretty speechless. I followed my heart, stopped playing games with my creditors, and was 100% honest. I’m not saying that will always work with creditors, but it certainly seems to work better than hiding, shucking and jiving, not being honest, trying to manipulate, or avoiding them altogether. Of course, I’m not happy that I’ll still have to pay them $8,000. But I’m very happy that this chapter has come to an end, with no lawsuit after all, no judgment filed, and no pay docked.

And, hopefully, with enough money left over to deal with the Dana Ladies. After today, though, my faith is strong. If I can take care of American Express while walking in faith, I sure he can take care of the Dana Situation, too.

What a miracle.