November 18

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By now we’ve discussed all the ways that debting is not simply about money. One way of thinking about debting is that it’s a way of life that shows up most often and obviously in relationship to money.

It shows up in other ways too. As I wrote about in my last entry, debting shows up a lot in relation to time. When asked to do something, we debtors usually agree, even when we don’t have time. Why? Because for that moment when we’re asked, we have a higher level of self-esteem. We’re flattered to be asked, so of course, we say, “yes.” Or, we may be afraid of the other person’s anger if we say “no.”

Just as debtors agree to spend money we don’t have because it makes us feel good, we also sometimes agree to spend time to something or someone because it makes us feel good to be “wanted” or “needed,” or we feel guilty or frightened if we say “no.”

For these reasons, we “self debt” (by getting overextended, and giving away money and energy we don’t necessarily have) through time and money debting. When we give away time and /or money we don’t actually have, we’re also self debting. We’re failing to draw a healthy boundary, failing to be realistic about how much we really have to offer, failing to be real.

Being really busy, or being a martyr, are more socially acceptable than owing vast amounts of money. So these forms of debting (time- and self-debting) are not as well hidden as financial debting, but I’m realizing they’re just as real, and for me, they’re just as problematic.