NOVEMBER 27

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It’s been two months since I began writing this book. Things have improved dramatically. When I began writing, I had American Express on my back, and they were taking me to court. That’s been settled, and today I don’t owe them a dime. On top of that, two months ago the Dana owners were breathing down my neck, and threatening to sue. That’s now resolved, too. My stress level is much, much lower than it was when I started writing. It’s almost hard to know what to write about, because a lot of the drama is no longer present. I found it easier to write when my back was up against the wall, and I had no choice but to write, just to relieve some of the pressure.

So what should I write about today, now that I’m doing so much better? I think I’ll write about drama, and the role it plays in the life of a debtor. There’s always a lot of drama in an active debtor’s life. It’s almost like the addiction is to the drama, as much as to the debting.

We debtors tend to live in constant stress, fear, and chaos around money. Today, I’m fortunate to be feeling none of these things. I’m feeling irritation, but that’s about it. My irritation is caused by the fact that I’m paying $678 a month on old debts, and that I still have my student loans hanging out there to deal with at some point (they’re currently in forbearance). I could use that $678 for a lot of things, and it makes me want to just go debt when I think about it. It makes me feel deprived, and makes me think there’s no point to any of this recovery stuff. Hence, the irritation.

On the other hand, I realize that debting would just cause me more stress and chaos, and I don’t want that. The clarity here is that I don’t have to respond to the irritation by creating stress and chaos. Irritation and boredom tend to spawn drama in my life, and that drama can be denied, if I can just be strong and not give in to my urge to create new debt.

It’s sort of ironic, really. Debting creates a huge amount of stress, and you debt to relieve the stress; but that debt just gets added to the pile, and ultimately creates more stress, which makes you want to debt some more. It’s like being on a hamster wheel. You run and run, but you never get anywhere.

So, boring though it is to just grind it out without debting, and irritating though it is to make my payments, that’s what I continue to do. I know this way of living is going to be better for me, in the long run, and I know it will be better for my wife, too. I know it will also be better for my son, because, if I can keep it up, I won’t pass down the patterns of debting to him. I quit debting exactly four weeks before my son was born, and his impending arrival definitely had a lot to do with my decision. So, I thank him for being the impetus behind these changes.